FR. DALE DAKILA

Of Encounter, Of Listeners and Friends

In our everyday life of meeting people, we are faced with the challenge of encountering them at their deepest level, a place where we could find their dignity as children of God. This was the constant reminder that welcomed me every time I visit patients. The visits at the wards and at the ICU made me realize that deep within me I have an eagerness to learn the skill of listening and of counselling. I find this very close to my heart, not only because I look forward to that day that I’ll be able to help people by lending them a listening ear, but more so because for once in my life I have been helped by those who guided me through counselling. I wouldn’t go this far – standing up for myself – if not for the grace of God and for the help that was readily given to me. I feel very grateful and indebted; remembering that at my lowest, there were people who listened to me. For this reason, I would want that someday I would be able to develop the skills and to be ready to be of service especially to those whose voices cannot be heard. I thank the Hospital Ministry for inculcating this lesson to me.

I always believe that it is definitely a different experience to encounter people at an intimate level of friendship. One can only truly know a person if one has seen the deepest pains and struggles, the difficult decisions and circumstances a person’s life is colored with. My favorite poem beautifully puts it, “kung gusto mo akong makilala, liparin mo ako hanggang isip, sisirin mo ako hanggang buto, umilanglang ka hanggang kaluluwa.” We can spend a lifetime engaging in fancy conversations and yet not being able to form real friendships. What a true privilege it is to truly know a person and to be a helping friend to him or her. From this perspective do I believe that this ministry is a form of friendship, because it is in visiting these patients where we only desire the best for the person. To be a chaplain means to give importance to a person without condition. One does not invalidate feelings. One does not judge. If a person only desires a companion who will truly listen, then a chaplain would oblige himself to this request. There is a warm invitation to see the person with the eyes of love, where there is trust, patience and abiding presence.

Our world is in dire need of ministers, of friends, and of listeners who will never judge, who will never abandon, who will only listen, and will only uplift. I always put to heart the words of Saint Paul VI when in one writing or occasion he said that what “the world needs are witnesses more than teachers, and if the world listens to teachers it is because they are witnesses.” I gave myself the indulgence to apply the words of the saintly pope to the need of listeners and friends: the world needs listeners more than preachers and teachers. And if the world listens to preachers and teachers, it is because they are listeners. At the start of this CPE, I was reading the book of the former Master of the Dominicans, Timothy Radcliffe. He emphasized the need to listen in order to preach well, and if I may add, in order to become a good priest. In his book, he surprisingly recounted the words of St. Francis. The Holy Father Francis said, “preach, and if necessary use words.”

Before and even throughout this Hospital Ministry exposure (Clinical Pastoral Education), it was clear to me that the greatest invitation and task for me is to open up myself. Day after day, however, I realized that this opening up has a deeper meaning. I realize what this really meant. This CPE gave me another meaning of what opening up myself means. It means that as I work on being open for myself, I also need to learn how to open my ears and hands: ears that they can listen with love, that they can form my heart and others’; hands that I can hold the hands of others and grasp them as we journey together toward Christ. I thank the good Lord for the blessings of this CPE.

(This reflection was published in Ephata - Clinical Pastoral Education Batch 33 Manila Doctors Hospital Souvenir Book. Bro. Dale underwent a Hospital Ministry exposure as a student chaplain at the Manila Doctors Hospital.)